


The Devil's Mark

by shadesofhades



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Brief mention of JJBella, Catholic Guilt, Dubious Consent, Infidelity, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Past Underage Sex, Sexuality reprogramming, fade to black sex scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-04
Updated: 2017-10-04
Packaged: 2019-01-09 01:23:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12266052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadesofhades/pseuds/shadesofhades
Summary: JJ had spent years trying to forget what it felt like, how amazing it had been to kiss Otabek Altin ...





	The Devil's Mark

**Author's Note:**

> Just started writing and this came out. Do straight camps still exist, or am I showing my age here?
> 
> Quick beta done by Annabeth.

It was like reopening some barely healed wound and he couldn't for the life of him figure out why he had done it: why he had asked Otabek to come back to his hotel room. It was after the banquet was starting to wind down and most other skaters were beginning to shuffle off to their own rooms that Otabek had looked up from where he was casually talking to Yuri Plisetsky and caught JJ’s eyes. His cheeks had been tinged slightly red either from the heat of too many bodies in one place or embarrassment, he wasn't sure, but then his lips had parted ever so slightly in a tiny “oh” before he'd gifted JJ with the smallest of smiles and a knowing look.

JJ’s heart had thumped painfully in his chest and that one look was all it had taken.

Alcohol had been involved, sure, but not enough to excuse his lapse in judgement and he wasn't sure that Otabek had a drink at all -- at least not much. There's the bitter taste of _something_ on his tongue, but JJ honestly isn't sure if it's just his own alcohol infused saliva mixing with Otabek’s or if maybe he was a bit tipsy himself. Either way, this is a terrible idea and he knows he'll regret it later, but right now with Otabek's mouth open under his, it's so easy to forget _why_ he shouldn't be doing this.

They had been here before -- JJ had spent years trying to forget what it felt like, how amazing it had been to kiss Otabek Altin -- and he knew as soon as Otabek's lips tentatively touched his that history was likely doomed to repeat itself.

“Jean,” Otabek says softly, lips pulling away from his and JJ's chasing them awkwardly, trying desperately to get him to just shut up and not to let JJ come to his senses.

If he thinks about too much it he'll start to get cold feet -- and he _needs_ this. He had hardly let himself think about Otabek's hands on him since then, throwing himself totally into his practice, trying to skate away the sin -- but no matter how hard he tried, Otabek's fingers against his thigh, cupping his cock, his mouth on his dick would come back and JJ was suddenly standing on the precipice of the cavernous mouth of hell, the stench of sulfur clinging to his soul like a cologne.

Otabek was full of the devil's temptation, and JJ had tried so hard the last few years to stay out of His grasp, but he had been fooling himself when he had thought he could be free of this sin that eats him alive. His soul is already a tarnished ugly thing -- has been since the first time he had laid eyes on Otabek when he was sixteen and realized he wanted to be much more than friends.

“Jean, stop,” Otabek says, fingers burning JJ’s bare flesh with devil’s desire as he grips his shoulders and pushes them apart and JJ wishes desperately to pull them back together.

The thought that maybe Otabek is doing him a solid and making him stop before he has to spend any more time in confession flits through his mind, but mainly it's disappointment that crashes over him.

He doesn't want to stop, but Otabek's fingers are leaving his skin, and JJ is just drunk enough that the feeling of loss leaves him wanting and hard in his dress slacks and he's not even sorry that his cock is hard and aching for another boy.

“Why?” JJ asks -- he knows why he should stop, but Otabek has never seemed bothered by the idea of hell.

He knows he should care more about that, be more mindful of saving his friend's mortal soul, but he's struggled enough for his own, he doesn't think he could manage for both of them.

“I thought you didn't want to do this anymore after last time, after your parents…” 

He trails off, but JJ understands exactly what he doesn't say -- after his parents had sent him away to rid himself of Satan.

\-- 

_They had been young then -- Otabek barely past fifteen -- young and stupid and JJ had known within a month of meeting him that he was in love. Or at least he had thought he was -- though he knew better now._

_JJ had spent a lot of practices peeking at Otabek while he was supposed to be concentrating, his mind wandering to sweat slicked skin and hard muscles with some half perceived notion of why he thought about them. He wasn't prepared to do anything about it, didn't know what there_ was _to do about it, but then he'd caught Otabek looking back._

 _It had been Otabek that made the first move -- of course it had. Before JJ had met him he didn't even know that it was possible to want another boy like that, to want to do things --_ sex things _\-- with them. But he did with Otabek._

_His parents had always impressed upon him the importance of marrying a girl before knowing her in the biblical sense -- but Otabek wasn't a girl and this wasn't covered in Sunday school._

_So when Otabek had pushed him up against the lockers and kissed him, all sloppy and wet with teeth and tongue, he hadn't realized what a grave sin he was committing. Instead, he had kissed him back with as much enthusiasm as he could muster -- which was quite a bit considering he was sixteen and had never kissed anyone like_ that _before._

_Things had progressed quickly after that, with Otabek showing him things he'd said he'd learned from the internet but was far too good at to not have tried. Things with his hands and mouth that JJ had considered tiny little miracles every time they brought him to orgasm._

_And then they had done_ it _. He hadn't realized what a burden his virginity had been until Otabek had been below him and JJ was pushing his hard dick inside and it was like finding nirvana. He swore he could hear choirs of angels singing when he had pushed himself balls-deep inside Otabek's willing body -- it felt like God himself was sending down a beam of light just for him and he never wanted to leave._

_It had been incredible, and was just as holy feeling when they had reversed their positions and JJ had let the last vestiges of his virginity fall away._

_Otabek was becoming an addiction, and he didn't think he would ever want to be rid of him._

_Until everything changed with a creak of door hinges and a gasped breath._

_Until their coach had informed their parents what their underaged sons had been engaging in._

_Until Otabek had went away to a new home rink and JJ had been shipped home to his parents and shipped out._

_Until he'd learned from a too-cheerful camp counselor the true path to Jesus._

\----

He'd been messed up for awhile after; distancing himself from his rink mates just to be safe -- to separate himself from the temptation he felt around other boys -- and attending almost daily sessions with his priest. But eventually he had gotten better, eventually he had met Izzy and had found himself on the straight and narrow.

Except that those thoughts -- the dirty, sinful thoughts about Otabek -- would resurface unbidden sometimes. When he was on his knees every night praying for his mortal soul -- his body would ache, as if trying to remind him of _another_ time he had been on his knees for a less holy purpose. They were distracting at the best of times and downright crippling at their worst.

But he had gotten past them, they had come less often and he had become very good at holding tight to Izzy and trying hard to ignore the hard muscles and tight bodies of his fellow competitors. That's not what God had intended, and he would not let those thoughts have a hold over him anymore.

He had been doing well with it, he had been keeping pure and straight, he'd even proposed to Izzy fully intending to spend the rest of his life with her even though he never got hard thinking about _her_. He was assured that would change once they were married, but JJ was doubtful, especially when he'd never had a problem getting hard thinking about Otabek or Leo or a lot of his other rink mates.

But he had pushed aside those thoughts, determined to live in the light -- until tonight.

Until he'd had just a bit too much to drink and Otabek had stood there looking like sin incarnate and JJ decided he couldn't fight it anymore.

“I don't care about them,” JJ says honestly, shaking his head. “I can go to confession in the morning. I can be absolved. But tonight -- tonight I need you.”

Otabek doesn't look very convinced.

“And what if I said I didn't need you?” he asks quietly and JJ’s chest aches at the very idea.

“Just this once,” JJ begs. “Just this once, and we can never talk about it again. Please, Beks. Just for tonight.” It's a lie, said to convince himself more than Otabek. If he says it enough times maybe he can believe it -- can believe he can walk away and never want this again -- even though he _knows_ it's not true.

His eyes are stinging and it's embarrassing, but he's still a little drunk and desperate and just knows he won't be able to deal with Otabek saying “no” now.

But he doesn't say no. Instead, he just looks a little sad -- like JJ's reply was somehow disappointing -- before he leans forward and kisses JJ again. It's soft and distant, but Otabek moves his lips against JJ's and that's all he really needs.

“Fuck me, Beks,” JJ says quietly as he pulls away from the kiss and buries his face in the crook of Otabek's neck.

His suit jacket is scratchy under JJ's cheek, but he doesn't mind as he breathes in the familiar scent of Otabek's cologne, the same one he used back then too. 

Otabek's hands reach down to grip his ass and pull him closer, JJ's legs spreading so he can let himself be hauled onto Otabek's lap and his hard cock. Even through their clothing the feel of his dick against JJ's ass has him rocking backwards, even as he clings to Otabek.

“Jean,” Otabek says against the shell of his ear and JJ shivers. “What if I want more than just tonight?”

JJ doesn't have an answer for him, because he _can't_. Boys aren't meant to feel this way about each other. Those words aren't supposed to make JJ's heart beat faster in his chest in a way that Izzy's words of forever never do.

He _isn't supposed to feel this way._ God didn't intend for boys to love each other this way.

Instead of a saying anything, he pulls himself slowly off Otabek’s lap and off the bed so be can pull his tie over his head and let it fall to the floor. His jacket, shirt and pants follow soon after, dropped into a pile near his discarded dress shoes, and suddenly Otabek doesn't look much like talking anymore.

Lust takes over and JJ can deal better with that look than the strange morose expression that Otabek had worn before. This one, at least, he understood.

“Please,” JJ says, staring into Otabek's dark eyes. “ _Please_ , Beks. I _need_ it.”

It doesn't take any more convincing after that.

\-----

Morning comes too early, the light streaming in through the huge hotel windows making his eyes burn as they're slowly pried open. 

‘I must not have closed them yesterday,’ is his very first thought, very quickly followed by, ‘oh shit.’

Panic seizes him quickly, as the events of the night before present themselves in his mind, and suddenly a little sunlight seems like the least of his problems.

He opens his eyes wide and sits up in bed, looking for Otabek, for some sign that he had really been there last night, that the whole thing hadn't been some sort of waking nightmare. 

There is no one else in the hotel room, but he gets his proof well enough when he wanders into the bathroom to look in the mirror and a huge hickey stares back at him; several, actually, are scattered all over his body.

But it's the hollow oval shaped bruise on his neck that stands out the most, that makes JJ break out in a cold sweat at the sight of it.

They are teeth marks and there is no way he will be able to hide them.

Anyone can look at it and recognize the mark of a sinner when they see it. 

Otabek had left the devil's mark on his soul a long time ago, but now he has left a physical manifestation on his skin.


End file.
